ARTICLES
Path of Love
The following story has - among other things - to do with how I became involved with the work of family constellations; what went before, what had prepared my path and which direction my work has taken. And even though the major part will be about my name, it will also be about my work, as both belong together, one preparing the ground for the other, or for the sky ...
On one of my visits to "the Ranch", a place in the Oregon desert where a large number of spiritual seekers called sannyasins gathered around their enlightened master during the 1980s, I - Victoria Sabine Schnabel or Ma Victoria - received a new name. New names were given by our master to whoever decided to become a part of the spiritual adventure called sannyas. The names stood for the new challenges ahead; their meaning often pointing in directions toward which we would be moving. And sometimes - on request, or by the master’s choice– the name was changed again.
When I received my new name, Ma Marga Sneh, I had no idea what its meaning had to do with me, and I did not much care; I simply loved the sound of it, loved the way I felt when someone called me "Sneh". The strange thing is, I had never actually planned to change my name, and I still sometimes marvel about the way it happened. And yet it was one of those precious moments in life when the good things come - in spite of yourself.
Field hand and therapist!
After the community around our master in Pune, India, had moved to the
United States, I, too, moved; from India, where I had lived for half
a year, to Italy. There I soon became part of the "Miasto spiritual
commune"
- a place in the Tuscany countryside, with fields to farm, woods to
clear, a huge vegetable garden and a prestigious program for meditation
and human growth.
As a field hand, I worked with the soil, and as a therapist I worked
in our famous "Prima" groups,
with bioenergetic exercises and rebirthing. I also was part of a team
inventing and creating weekend groups for city people, in which we combined
nature, meditation, work and ritual. The ritual part could be anything
- recreating burial ceremonies, wailing walls, fertility rites or weddings.
One ritual which brought us fame and fear was: we gathered people by
dark, marched them off in two lines, and had them meet in a field like
warring tribes, standing opposite each other and taking aim at each other
with imaginary rifles.
Today, I see the experiences from those times as highly valuable. Maybe
these were the very first constellations I was ever part of.
Each time come summer, we scraped money together to travel to the famous
summer festivals of our "big brother" commune in Oregon,
USA, where the master now lived. We, being a small rural commune– one
of the many spread over Europe - prided ourselves in being dirt
poor, true seekers and fierce meditators.
The last of my commune’s travels to the Ranch - before I said
goodbye to three years Italy and left behind a suitcase full of spiritual
belief systems - turned out to be special in many ways and decisive in
pointing me in the direction of family constellations.
Certainties and Challenges
When we arrived at the site of the yearly summer festivals, jet–lagged
and tired as hell, I stumbled out of the bus to be, not for the first
time, overwhelmed by feelings of homecoming and belonging. There I was
again– standing in
the blazing sun under a sky so blue that my heart ached, looking at nothing
but rocky mountains, dusty roads, naked hills– and I was home.
This land, like no other, had the capacity to bring me in touch with
that feeling of "homecoming" - in
spite of all my ideas about the kind of gentle, green landscape that
"should" produce
that wonderful feeling.
The experience of having my expectations challenged again and again was
one of the great teachings I later would need when working with constellations.
Great, but not always comfortable, teachings had entered my life together
with my meeting the master. And I was learning to get used to being thrown
out of old patterns, to expecting the unexpected. It had started already
with my first sannyas name, given to me in 1980 in India, by the master
himself.
Just about all of my many friends had gotten a Sanskrit name, rich in
sound and meaning and quite exotic: Ma Anand Visarjana, Swami Deva Rajendra,
Ma Prem Pratima, Swami Veet Sagar - with most beautiful meanings
like "blissful silence', "ocean
of love", or "divine eternity". But I was simply given
the name my parents had given to me: nothing before it - no Anand (meaning
"bliss"),
no Deva, (meaning "divine") - just plain Victoria.
That certainly was unexpected, and not quite easy for my ego to digest.
The meaning the master gave to my name was: "victorious spirit".
It helped that I do, in fact, love my name, and I actually started to
feel proud and special about the non-specialness. (Ah, the ego ...!)
No wonder that I was shocked when, one afternoon at the summer festival,
I bumped into Anna, another one graced with her own name, who proudly
announced having just been at the "office" to
ask for a name change. I was horrified, and just knew(!) that I would
never do this.
One of the truly great things about the summer festivals was the meeting of old friends, as so many of us were spread around the world. So I went to meet an old friend at the place were she worked in some administrative job. When I arrived she still was in a meeting that apparently took longer, so I used my time to wander around the premises, saw a door with "Sannyas Applications" written on it, and, being a curious person, opened it slightly. Not seeing anyone inside, I stepped in for a closer look. Out of the blue - or rather from behind the door– a friendly voice asked, "How can I help you"? I wheeled around and, to my utter amazement, heard myself say, "I want to change my name." There was a moment of silence during which the world apparently stopped turning on its axis. When my mind grasped the situation, I immediately said, "Oh no, I did not mean it; I really like my name, and ... " She just listened silently, letting me blabber away, and then said, with a smile: "Isn’t it curious that it just happened?" Well, what to say? I filled out the forms and met my friend, who’s delay had just given me the opportunity for a big dose of identity crisis. Three days later, I went to pick up my new name. I did so with many feelings, none of which being particularly festive or celebratory. The "Ma" behind the desk read the name to me: Ma Marga Sneh; the path of love. "The Americans will probably call you "Snehbaby’" she giggled, and then handed me the document. I do not know how many tons fell off my shoulders with the sound of this name; without being able to explain why, it felt utterly right. Later, when an Indian friend explained to me that Sneh (or rather Sneha, as it is properly pronounced) means love - as between family members - I did not know what to think of it. The ties with my family seemed rather loose back then. Meanwhile, I now feel my name so very fitting that I undergo the difficult task of telling my new name to everybody (also foreigners (Americans!)), well knowing that I will get, as a response, a raised eyebrow and the question, "You mean Snake?" When I correct them, they usually counter with, "I get it: Snail"! But you see, the name is precious to me now - some eighteen years late - more so than before. And that has to do with the work that I have been doing now for many years, which leads to the part of the story that is about how I came in touch with the work of family constellations - my passion, my livelihood, my ongoing teacher. When I first read about this work, I knew that I was taken with something that made me understand the new name that had "happened" to me on the Ranch.
Family Constellation Work
On one trip to Goa - a beautiful stretch of land in India along the ocean
- where my husband and I loved to spend play time with friends, I had
taken two books with me; one for pleasure and one for work. At the
time, I had a private counseling practice in Freiburg and was coaching
business people, individuals and teams. When I went to buy books for
the trip, I felt that I could not just indulge in my taste for murder
mysteries, (my favorites to this day), but that I should also read
something more serious, more work-related. The book that literally
fell into my hands was the one that later became the best-seller and
classic of family constellation work: Love's Hidden Symmetry.
The murder mystery was meant to be my read on the airplane, but when
I tried to retrieve it from underneath the seat in front of me, I realized
the book was stuck inside the bag in a way that prevented me from getting
to it. So I pulled out the easy-to-reach book about work instead. And
what can I say? It was at least as gripping as any good murder story,
if not better. I read non-stop - even
carried it to the beach - where all my friends were happily doing
what one does on a beach: playing ball, sun bathing, swimming. My place
was instead under an umbrella, until the book was read and re-read.
And what was so exciting about the book? In short: everything. To be
more precise, I felt not unlike the time when I became a sannyasin. Everything
felt like I had waited for this, but without knowing it. The book hit
me like a tidal wave, and, ever since that plane ride, I am riding the
wave and the wave carries me from one adventure to the next.
Without ever having heard about "going with the unknown" and non-judgmental
awareness - all formidable tasks put in front of me by my spiritual
master -I
might not have been able to jump wholeheartedly into this very demanding
and exposing work. And doing it now for all these years, I so often understand
that the strongest base for my way of working comes from my many years
as a sannyasin, a spiritual seeker. It was in this context that my courage
was shaped to meet people as I am; to let silence lead me when I do not
know what to do; to trust deeply that whatever is happening is exactly
what is meant to happen; and to give it my best and my all. And it is
the work itself that continuously dares me to go on, never to stop asking,
never to stop learning, and never to stop unlearning. Rewards
come in plenty. My groups and trainings are filled. And I have the privilege
and challenge to work together with my partner, companion, and darling
American husband Rama Prem (Fredric) who takes care of the organization,
the business side of things. So we are both involved in this, each one
with what we are best at. Sometimes it is the easiest and most natural
thing in the world, and sometimes we have "our moments".
And the learning never stops.
When I work, I like to start the group with explaining my name Sneh;
where it comes from; what it means; and why I love it. And when I am
in the States, I spell it - just to be sure! And hell - nothing
is wrong with Victoria. I still remember the way my master pronounced
it; but after that my mind went blank. So whatever else he said to me
will remain a mystery. Sometimes I believe that, with the giving of the
second name, he gave me the clue to understand my first. Perhaps, through
walking the path of love, I might achieve a victory of a different kind:
one in which you only win when you lose.
Sneh
Maui, Hawai'i and Freiburg, Germany 2007